The hockey team produced a dominant perfomace to come away with a 5 - 0 win over Das Ecosoc, well done to everyone that made it out of bed in time, Matt Bruton played particularly well during his spell on the left wing.

The presure is surely now on the netball and football teams to keep up NUSSC's winning ways

Well NUSSC I got off to a winning start last Thursday in a hastily-notified league debut - the other team failed to show and so they were awarded a 5-0 victory.

NUSSC II sadly began life with a 7-1 thrashing on Friday lunchtime, 3 players did actually turn up on time and gave their best efforts, but the hindrance of their captain, who was forced to play - despite being ill, wearing jeans and duffs - was far greater than any benefit he may or may not have provided.

Nevertheless, this week we shall have two full strength teams and will be reporting tales of victory.

NUSSC I sadly went down 8-5 to a goalie-inspired Gibon Select.

Goals for NUSSC I came via the feet of Tommy B (2), Dan Wyatt (it was his left too!), Will Monteith and guest player Stu Dow (!!).

NUSSC I goalie (and stand-in captain) Chris Barber admitted afterwards that he "really shouldn't have let those two goals in between my legs"

The bonus playing appearance of NUSSC FC captain Stupeedo almost inspired a famous victory; however, suspicions were raised that he was acting as a saboteur for NUSSC II when he decided to catch the ball in mid-air, giving Gibon Select an goal-scoring free-kick.

However, his true colours were made clear for all to see when he curled in an unstoppable shot from his own half. Even the referee took a few seconds to applaud such a wonderful goal


NUSSC II are in action at 12pm tomorrow (Friday).

So far the netball teams are doing well!!! We've won 2 and drawn 1. It would appear that Das Ecosoc are pretty useless all round since none of them turned up for our match on saturday, poor form!! Admittedly this did give us a 10-0 walk over but we wanted to kick ass Ski Club Stylee!!

Referee Interferes With Boys

Sadly, it seems that "das Ecosoc" don't have a football team in either of our leagues - d'oh!

Nonetheless, NUSSC II were doing just fine last Friday, even saving a penalty, until the referee decided to start shouting random abuse at different people on the pitch, totally disrupting our concentration. The sly, conniving, yet miserable opposition took advantage to sneak two quick goals.

As a forced goalie substitution took place, the referee insisted that NUSSC II "carry on without him" - no surprises that the new keeper was beaten by a couple of well hit shots.

Heads didn't drop though, as the boys in red fought back and grabbed a couple of goals, attempting to make a fist of it; however, without the defensive lynchpin that is Matt Ogg, we were always liable to conceed further goals...which we did.

Final score 7-2 to "Bobby Pistachio" - NUSSC II head into week 3 without a single point and just 3 goals to their name. Are their dreams of reaching the play-offs over already?

NUSSC FC I Set the Standard

NUSSC FC I's initial fears of having to field just four players were quashed with the arrival of Paddy as the ref (bellend) blew for the start of the game. Being denied a warm up and having no subs proved no major problem for NUSSC who dominated the early exhanges; Matt 'the human shield' Ogg proving very effective at the back and starting most moves. After a flurry of early chances, Paddy found the bottom corner from the edge of the 'D' in what would prove to be his only decisive effort on goal.

The following five minutes saw the mincers get more of a foothold in the game but despite some possesion, the few times they managed to evade Ogg their finishing was woeful and any efforts on target were easily delt with by chris. Finishing also seemed all that was lacking from NUSSCs game and in particular Paddy's who ran tirelessly all game but was clearly struggling when baring down on goal. Luke's thumping long efforts seemed to inspire NUSSC into shooting from further away and before long the ball was nestling in the bottom corner, this time from the sweet left foot of Monteith just inside the Mincers' half.

Providing the confidence boost he needed and not looking quite as knackered as usual, Monteith then went on to put on a show in finishing in the shape of a screamer from NUSSCs half and a casual pass into the net after disposessing a hapless defender to complete a classy hat-trick. He then took to the stands to a standing ovation with the arrival of Tommy (the timekeeper) Bartles with just a few minutes to go. In the last real action of the match, Ogg's hooking away of the ball from above NUSSCs area (not in it) saw the cock-knocking referee spout out a barrage of jordi abuse at Matt whilst not actually signalling his decision (a penalty very well saved by Chris). Judging by the look on the refs face throughout the match, he was informed of the death of his entire family in a freak gasoline fight accident just prior to kick-off.

FINAL SCORE NUSSC F.C 4 - 0 Manly Mincers


This match report was brought to you courtesy of W.Monteith (this may or may not have been the same W.Monteith who played and scored in the game).

Luck of the Irish for NUSSC FC II

When their game eventually started, following an near no-show from the opposition, NUSSC FC II got stuck into Knees Archive, chasing, harrying and creating chances from nothing - one of which, from captain Stupeedo, crashed into the left hand post.

With the full-on all-systems go attack, it was left to defensive behemoth Matt Ogg to assert himself on the Archive's offense. Shots were blocked, tackles made and balls played out of defence as he majestically protected Chris Barber and the NUSSC goal.

NUSSC II almost opened the scoring again with another Stupeedo effort that cannoned off the post; however, it was Knees Archive who broke the deadlock with a long range, deflected shot.

The boys in blue fought back, utilising all 9 players with a system of rolling subs allowing players to give their all for a few minutes, before taking a well-earned break. This system, against a team with just the bare 5 players, helped NUSSC to overrun their opponents.

A delightful through-ball from Stupeedo, taking 3 opposition players out of the game, set James Faure one-on-one with their goalie. Not previously known for his finishing, Faure set the record straight with a crisp finish into the bottom corner.

With the confidence from the goal behind them, NUSSC took the lead when Charlie Gould curled an exquisite shot into the corner of the net, leaving the hapless opposition keeper stranded.

Back came Knees Archive though and they rattled the crossbar three times in quick succession, before seeing a shot 'saved' via Chris Barber's head and the post! As they poured forward for an equaliser, it was only natural that Dan Bedford should take advantage of some good play by Toby Jones to slot home NUSSC's third and double his tally for the season.

With the 'comfort' of a two-goal lead, several NUSSC II players let themselves get carried away and began to get ideas above their station. Tracking back, picking up opponent's runs, blocking shots...all of these fundamentals were thrown out the window as Archive tried to rescue the game. Ironically, a substitution mix-up between the two players who gave everything in defence, Matt Ogg and Stupeedo, allowed a cheekily taken free-kick to go unblocked and into the net. Game on.

Still, it seemed, some players hadn't learnt their lessons, as Paddy Foan gave away the equaliser with a frankly ridiculous back heel across his own goal, to no-one in particular. The opposition player was initally astonished at such a bizarre decision, but regained his composure to knock in the equaliser.

Having let down his team-mates in such an awful way, Paddy was a man possessed in his attempts to put right his wrong-doing. He harried, chased and hurried the opposition into making mistakes. One of which led to a free-kick to NUSSC, not far outside the box. With two opponents 'blocking' his route to goal, it seemed that a shot was the last option; however, Foan displayed great awareness and sublime skill by dinking the ball over the outstretched leg of the defender and into the far side of the net - outrageous!

With the lead back in their hands, NUSSC pressed forward to wrap up victory and forced another foul from Archive, this time resulting in a penalty. Foan, clearly thinking he was now the team's dead-ball expert, confidently strode up and blasted the ball onto the bar!

Thankfully, the ref blew for full-time not long after and NUSSC FC II matched NUSSC FC I by recording their first win of the season.

There's an 11-a-side match on Sunday...details to be emailed/text ASAP.

PS: Final Score

NUSSC FC II 4 - 3 Knees Archive

With a few key players missing, I was a little worried the day before the hockey match against Psych Athletic, but as matchday dawned the seasoned regulars were out of bed and raring to play. Jamie was so keen he even forgot about daylight savings time and turned up at the pitch an hour early!

In the end, the opposition were so totally intimidated by our hardcore warm-up drills that they didn't dare show their faces on the pitch, but all ran home crying to leave us with a 5-0 walkover.

Well the netballers have a reputation of being good! Apparently people are talking about aur amazingness in bars! So far, we have 8-8, 10-0, 18-1, 17-4 and another double to single figures victory to our name!

Quick Update from NUSSC FC things:

11-a-side friendly, refereed by the easy-going Dai (cheers!) and NUSSC FC even managed to open the scoring against their illustrious opponents, Real Mechanical. The team were pegged back before the break but were happy to go into the half on level terms.

Second half saw a change of formation by Real Mechanical which, combined with their superior fitness and greater understanding of each other, saw them score four times in a mainly one-sided second half.

Brief counter-attacks from NUSSC FC saw good chances missed by Dan Bedford, Sam Lunn and Stu Dow - who managed to hit the corner flag with a shot from outside the area

5-a-side Football Teams, both teams played this week, both teams scored 4 goals; however, both teams conceeded more...thus losing. Paddy Foan will be supplying a match report for NUSSC FC I's loss to Shocksoc Utd... a game they probably needed to win if they are to realistically qualify for the next stage...

NUSSC FC II faced a much tougher prospect against Panafataikos (clever, eh? ) who had scored 34 goals in their opening 3 games. Despite being 6-1 down at the halfway stage, the lads finally got their heads together and threatened to stage the most unlikely of comebacks...however, the 7th opposition goal (at 6-4) came just as the 'fatakois keeper was seeing more shots than a heroin junkie...

NUSSC FC I v ShockSoc United

Despite starting with a more than adequate three subs, lining up against a motley looking crew of only five players, NUSSC FC I was severely tested on thursday. Going a goal down early in the game, set the tone for the first few minutes. a lack of shape and fluid passing letting us down. however after a period of clarity on both sides, and what looked like classy football the score was levelled at two all, then three all, with some great finishes from luke and Tommy (with two). Unfortunately it was at this point we decided to lose our focus. An unlucky penalty decision and a lack of marking on a free kick coupled with another bobbling shot from their right wing left the score at 7-3, it was only in the dying minutes of the game when a last ditch goal (Paddy) was scored, and the pride was kept intact. The game finished 7-4 leaving us with 6 points after 2 wins and 2 losses.


This match report was brought to you by the sole descendant of the Magners empire.

Ok, stu....the score would be enough!! 10-0 again today!

Senior, I have been told that there are some sections of the NUSSC fraternity who log on each week with the sole intention of having their weekly NUSSC FC match report in full technicolour essay mode. Without this, a little part of their weekly regime would be missing and in turn, they would be left to twiddle their thumbs for 5 minutes or look at those incriminating photos of Iain Dodds and the carrot

I believe these match reports provide something of a 'public service'

Special Guest Star Blinds Existing NUSSC Players

Despite knowing that they needed to take something from the game, NUSSC FC I failed to take advantage of their Special Guest Player, all the way from Bristol/Austria/Edinburgh, Paul Telling.

Legendary things have been passed down the grapevine about this player, none to do with football though, yet his presence clearly caused a stir amongst some factions of the NUSSC dressing room - hopefully causing them to 'feel the win' a little bit more.

However, the younger players in the team were clearly intimidated by the great man's appearance, one such player was Sam Smith, who missed a penalty solely because Paul Telling was within 100ft of him.

Chris Barber, team captain and goalie, was another man affected - as the game got underway he couldn't take his eyes of the beauty of Telling's face, the distraction allowing the opposition to slot the ball between Barber's legs.

Will Monteith, the former hat-trick hero, came back down to earth with a bang. After hearing that Paul Telling can win a game of Connect 4 in just three moves, Monteith forgot all about the rules of 5-a-side and subsequently gave away two penalties...which "The Untouchables" took full advantage of to score.

Two more softly conceeded goals followed, despite Paul Telling driving the team forward, some of his team mates were still marvelling at the white glow that surrounds his body.

Realising that he wouldn't be receiving much in the way of assistance from his newfound 'team mates', Paul Telling decided to take matters into his own hands. The opposition visibly shook.

Paul Telling has two speeds: Walk and Kill. He threatened the opposition that he would stop Walking. Upon quick reflection, Paul Telling realised that it would be inappropriate to switch speeds in a University Sports Hall. Paul Telling sat on the ground and began meditating. The opposition goalkeeper tried to clear the ball, but the white glow around Paul Telling diverted the ball back over his head and into the net.

Paul Telling woke up and asked to be substituted.


Final Score: NUSSC FC I 1 - 5 The Untouchables


*This match report was brought to you partly by Chris Barber and partly by Paul Telling's fan-club.