Last year's intra-mural results

The hockey team produced a dominant perfomace to come away with a 5 - 0 win over Das Ecosoc, well done to everyone that made it out of bed in time, Matt Bruton played particularly well during his spell on the left wing.

The presure is surely now on the netball and football teams to keep up NUSSC's winning ways

Well NUSSC I got off to a winning start last Thursday in a hastily-notified league debut - the other team failed to show and so they were awarded a 5-0 victory.

NUSSC II sadly began life with a 7-1 thrashing on Friday lunchtime, 3 players did actually turn up on time and gave their best efforts, but the hindrance of their captain, who was forced to play - despite being ill, wearing jeans and duffs - was far greater than any benefit he may or may not have provided.

Nevertheless, this week we shall have two full strength teams and will be reporting tales of victory.

NUSSC I sadly went down 8-5 to a goalie-inspired Gibon Select.

Goals for NUSSC I came via the feet of Tommy B (2), Dan Wyatt (it was his left too!), Will Monteith and guest player Stu Dow (!!).

NUSSC I goalie (and stand-in captain) Chris Barber admitted afterwards that he "really shouldn't have let those two goals in between my legs"

The bonus playing appearance of NUSSC FC captain Stupeedo almost inspired a famous victory; however, suspicions were raised that he was acting as a saboteur for NUSSC II when he decided to catch the ball in mid-air, giving Gibon Select an goal-scoring free-kick.

However, his true colours were made clear for all to see when he curled in an unstoppable shot from his own half. Even the referee took a few seconds to applaud such a wonderful goal


NUSSC II are in action at 12pm tomorrow (Friday).

So far the netball teams are doing well!!! We've won 2 and drawn 1. It would appear that Das Ecosoc are pretty useless all round since none of them turned up for our match on saturday, poor form!! Admittedly this did give us a 10-0 walk over but we wanted to kick ass Ski Club Stylee!!

Referee Interferes With Boys

Sadly, it seems that "das Ecosoc" don't have a football team in either of our leagues - d'oh!

Nonetheless, NUSSC II were doing just fine last Friday, even saving a penalty, until the referee decided to start shouting random abuse at different people on the pitch, totally disrupting our concentration. The sly, conniving, yet miserable opposition took advantage to sneak two quick goals.

As a forced goalie substitution took place, the referee insisted that NUSSC II "carry on without him" - no surprises that the new keeper was beaten by a couple of well hit shots.

Heads didn't drop though, as the boys in red fought back and grabbed a couple of goals, attempting to make a fist of it; however, without the defensive lynchpin that is Matt Ogg, we were always liable to conceed further goals...which we did.

Final score 7-2 to "Bobby Pistachio" - NUSSC II head into week 3 without a single point and just 3 goals to their name. Are their dreams of reaching the play-offs over already?

NUSSC FC I Set the Standard

NUSSC FC I's initial fears of having to field just four players were quashed with the arrival of Paddy as the ref (bellend) blew for the start of the game. Being denied a warm up and having no subs proved no major problem for NUSSC who dominated the early exhanges; Matt 'the human shield' Ogg proving very effective at the back and starting most moves. After a flurry of early chances, Paddy found the bottom corner from the edge of the 'D' in what would prove to be his only decisive effort on goal.

The following five minutes saw the mincers get more of a foothold in the game but despite some possesion, the few times they managed to evade Ogg their finishing was woeful and any efforts on target were easily delt with by chris. Finishing also seemed all that was lacking from NUSSCs game and in particular Paddy's who ran tirelessly all game but was clearly struggling when baring down on goal. Luke's thumping long efforts seemed to inspire NUSSC into shooting from further away and before long the ball was nestling in the bottom corner, this time from the sweet left foot of Monteith just inside the Mincers' half.

Providing the confidence boost he needed and not looking quite as knackered as usual, Monteith then went on to put on a show in finishing in the shape of a screamer from NUSSCs half and a casual pass into the net after disposessing a hapless defender to complete a classy hat-trick. He then took to the stands to a standing ovation with the arrival of Tommy (the timekeeper) Bartles with just a few minutes to go. In the last real action of the match, Ogg's hooking away of the ball from above NUSSCs area (not in it) saw the cock-knocking referee spout out a barrage of jordi abuse at Matt whilst not actually signalling his decision (a penalty very well saved by Chris). Judging by the look on the refs face throughout the match, he was informed of the death of his entire family in a freak gasoline fight accident just prior to kick-off.

FINAL SCORE NUSSC F.C 4 - 0 Manly Mincers


This match report was brought to you courtesy of W.Monteith (this may or may not have been the same W.Monteith who played and scored in the game).

Luck of the Irish for NUSSC FC II

When their game eventually started, following an near no-show from the opposition, NUSSC FC II got stuck into Knees Archive, chasing, harrying and creating chances from nothing - one of which, from captain Stupeedo, crashed into the left hand post.

With the full-on all-systems go attack, it was left to defensive behemoth Matt Ogg to assert himself on the Archive's offense. Shots were blocked, tackles made and balls played out of defence as he majestically protected Chris Barber and the NUSSC goal.

NUSSC II almost opened the scoring again with another Stupeedo effort that cannoned off the post; however, it was Knees Archive who broke the deadlock with a long range, deflected shot.

The boys in blue fought back, utilising all 9 players with a system of rolling subs allowing players to give their all for a few minutes, before taking a well-earned break. This system, against a team with just the bare 5 players, helped NUSSC to overrun their opponents.

A delightful through-ball from Stupeedo, taking 3 opposition players out of the game, set James Faure one-on-one with their goalie. Not previously known for his finishing, Faure set the record straight with a crisp finish into the bottom corner.

With the confidence from the goal behind them, NUSSC took the lead when Charlie Gould curled an exquisite shot into the corner of the net, leaving the hapless opposition keeper stranded.

Back came Knees Archive though and they rattled the crossbar three times in quick succession, before seeing a shot 'saved' via Chris Barber's head and the post! As they poured forward for an equaliser, it was only natural that Dan Bedford should take advantage of some good play by Toby Jones to slot home NUSSC's third and double his tally for the season.

With the 'comfort' of a two-goal lead, several NUSSC II players let themselves get carried away and began to get ideas above their station. Tracking back, picking up opponent's runs, blocking shots...all of these fundamentals were thrown out the window as Archive tried to rescue the game. Ironically, a substitution mix-up between the two players who gave everything in defence, Matt Ogg and Stupeedo, allowed a cheekily taken free-kick to go unblocked and into the net. Game on.

Still, it seemed, some players hadn't learnt their lessons, as Paddy Foan gave away the equaliser with a frankly ridiculous back heel across his own goal, to no-one in particular. The opposition player was initally astonished at such a bizarre decision, but regained his composure to knock in the equaliser.

Having let down his team-mates in such an awful way, Paddy was a man possessed in his attempts to put right his wrong-doing. He harried, chased and hurried the opposition into making mistakes. One of which led to a free-kick to NUSSC, not far outside the box. With two opponents 'blocking' his route to goal, it seemed that a shot was the last option; however, Foan displayed great awareness and sublime skill by dinking the ball over the outstretched leg of the defender and into the far side of the net - outrageous!

With the lead back in their hands, NUSSC pressed forward to wrap up victory and forced another foul from Archive, this time resulting in a penalty. Foan, clearly thinking he was now the team's dead-ball expert, confidently strode up and blasted the ball onto the bar!

Thankfully, the ref blew for full-time not long after and NUSSC FC II matched NUSSC FC I by recording their first win of the season.

There's an 11-a-side match on Sunday...details to be emailed/text ASAP.

PS: Final Score

NUSSC FC II 4 - 3 Knees Archive

With a few key players missing, I was a little worried the day before the hockey match against Psych Athletic, but as matchday dawned the seasoned regulars were out of bed and raring to play. Jamie was so keen he even forgot about daylight savings time and turned up at the pitch an hour early!

In the end, the opposition were so totally intimidated by our hardcore warm-up drills that they didn't dare show their faces on the pitch, but all ran home crying to leave us with a 5-0 walkover.

Well the netballers have a reputation of being good! Apparently people are talking about aur amazingness in bars! So far, we have 8-8, 10-0, 18-1, 17-4 and another double to single figures victory to our name!

Quick Update from NUSSC FC things:

11-a-side friendly, refereed by the easy-going Dai (cheers!) and NUSSC FC even managed to open the scoring against their illustrious opponents, Real Mechanical. The team were pegged back before the break but were happy to go into the half on level terms.

Second half saw a change of formation by Real Mechanical which, combined with their superior fitness and greater understanding of each other, saw them score four times in a mainly one-sided second half.

Brief counter-attacks from NUSSC FC saw good chances missed by Dan Bedford, Sam Lunn and Stu Dow - who managed to hit the corner flag with a shot from outside the area

5-a-side Football Teams, both teams played this week, both teams scored 4 goals; however, both teams conceeded more...thus losing. Paddy Foan will be supplying a match report for NUSSC FC I's loss to Shocksoc Utd... a game they probably needed to win if they are to realistically qualify for the next stage...

NUSSC FC II faced a much tougher prospect against Panafataikos (clever, eh? ) who had scored 34 goals in their opening 3 games. Despite being 6-1 down at the halfway stage, the lads finally got their heads together and threatened to stage the most unlikely of comebacks...however, the 7th opposition goal (at 6-4) came just as the 'fatakois keeper was seeing more shots than a heroin junkie...

NUSSC FC I v ShockSoc United

Despite starting with a more than adequate three subs, lining up against a motley looking crew of only five players, NUSSC FC I was severely tested on thursday. Going a goal down early in the game, set the tone for the first few minutes. a lack of shape and fluid passing letting us down. however after a period of clarity on both sides, and what looked like classy football the score was levelled at two all, then three all, with some great finishes from luke and Tommy (with two). Unfortunately it was at this point we decided to lose our focus. An unlucky penalty decision and a lack of marking on a free kick coupled with another bobbling shot from their right wing left the score at 7-3, it was only in the dying minutes of the game when a last ditch goal (Paddy) was scored, and the pride was kept intact. The game finished 7-4 leaving us with 6 points after 2 wins and 2 losses.


This match report was brought to you by the sole descendant of the Magners empire.

Ok, stu....the score would be enough!! 10-0 again today!

Senior, I have been told that there are some sections of the NUSSC fraternity who log on each week with the sole intention of having their weekly NUSSC FC match report in full technicolour essay mode. Without this, a little part of their weekly regime would be missing and in turn, they would be left to twiddle their thumbs for 5 minutes or look at those incriminating photos of Iain Dodds and the carrot

I believe these match reports provide something of a 'public service'

Special Guest Star Blinds Existing NUSSC Players

Despite knowing that they needed to take something from the game, NUSSC FC I failed to take advantage of their Special Guest Player, all the way from Bristol/Austria/Edinburgh, Paul Telling.

Legendary things have been passed down the grapevine about this player, none to do with football though, yet his presence clearly caused a stir amongst some factions of the NUSSC dressing room - hopefully causing them to 'feel the win' a little bit more.

However, the younger players in the team were clearly intimidated by the great man's appearance, one such player was Sam Smith, who missed a penalty solely because Paul Telling was within 100ft of him.

Chris Barber, team captain and goalie, was another man affected - as the game got underway he couldn't take his eyes of the beauty of Telling's face, the distraction allowing the opposition to slot the ball between Barber's legs.

Will Monteith, the former hat-trick hero, came back down to earth with a bang. After hearing that Paul Telling can win a game of Connect 4 in just three moves, Monteith forgot all about the rules of 5-a-side and subsequently gave away two penalties...which "The Untouchables" took full advantage of to score.

Two more softly conceeded goals followed, despite Paul Telling driving the team forward, some of his team mates were still marvelling at the white glow that surrounds his body.

Realising that he wouldn't be receiving much in the way of assistance from his newfound 'team mates', Paul Telling decided to take matters into his own hands. The opposition visibly shook.

Paul Telling has two speeds: Walk and Kill. He threatened the opposition that he would stop Walking. Upon quick reflection, Paul Telling realised that it would be inappropriate to switch speeds in a University Sports Hall. Paul Telling sat on the ground and began meditating. The opposition goalkeeper tried to clear the ball, but the white glow around Paul Telling diverted the ball back over his head and into the net.

Paul Telling woke up and asked to be substituted.


Final Score: NUSSC FC I 1 - 5 The Untouchables


*This match report was brought to you partly by Chris Barber and partly by Paul Telling's fan-club.

there's only 1 I in IAN you bastard.

Ski Club Hockey vs. The Cardinal Ratzinger Fan Club

As the first match of our season got underway we were again looking short of players, reading weeks and the BUDS ball taking their toll on our players. Worst of all, both regular keepers were away. However, all was not lost as Julie stepped up to play in goal (in her first appearance), and had an excellent game, keeping us in the game with several critical saves.

The Cardinal Ratzinger Fan Club started strongly, piling on the pressure early in the first half, taking full advantage of NUSSCs lack of match practise. However, the rock solid combination of Sam and Harry at the back kept them at bay. As the game progressed, the team began to gel and drive forward, and midway through the first half slick passing through the midfield opened up the defense, for me to flick it across the keeper and into the goal from the edge of the D. 1-0 up and the team were growing in confidence with every minute.

The second half saw the game stepping up a gear as both teams laid siege to the goals - shots flying at both ends with near misses and goalkeeper saves aplenty. Finally, extended pressure paid off for the opposition as a dubious raised shot flew in, nearly kneecapping our defenders along the way. Both teams were playing at full stretch, but as the end neared, the opposition midfield began to break through more (we only had one or two actual midfielders, propped up with spare defenders and strikers) and got another goal after an unlucky deflection a few minutes from the end. Despite Matt Ogg going on the rampage after the restart and beating every opposing player on the pitch, the much sought after second goal never came.

Final score: Ski Club 1, Cardinal Ratzinger Fan Club 2

Player of the match: Sam, for making mincemeat out of any attack the opposition could throw at him.

We were unfortunate to lose in the end, on another day the result could easily have been different. A very good performance from everyone and a good foundation to build on as we play more matches together. Bring on the next game!

Lawyers Hockey vs. Ski Club Hockey

Once again we faced a keeper shortage, with Pete playing soldiers, so I padded up and stepped into the firing line. Matt Ogg casually strolled up, and promptly removed his NUSSC hoody to reveal the enemy colours (pink...no comment).

In the opening stages, having our top scorer playing in goal and another striker on the opposing team showed, as we were kept well back in our own half. Still, solid defending (and the ever-present Sam at sweeper) kept just about all of the attacks at bay, although eventually a close range shot was fired at goal, initially saved but going in off the post. All was not lost as once again after the slow start our play got better and better, Angus showing just why he was sorely missed in midfield last game. Our attacks got better and more frequent, until slick passing found Angus in the D. With complete disregard for the defense, he cooly teed up his shot, paused to admire the scenery, and fired it home for a well deserved goal. With the score again level, the Lawyers piled on the pressure, winning several short corners (including in the last minute of the half, where all 10 outfield players lined up to shoot), but our defense were more than up to the task and kept them out.

The second half saw more pressure from both teams, with NUSSC improving more and more as the match went on, fighting for every ball. Both keepers were under pressure, with goals disallowed at both ends (again another team trying to maim our rock solid defence). Credit to the other team as well, they were also playing some great hockey. As the end neared, both teams were in the hunt for a winning goal, various members of our defence ending up in front of the opposition goal, slightly bemused as to how they got there, Frog in particular flying down the wing. However, the final whistle came before any breakthrough, and the game finished a draw.

Final score: Lawyers Hockey 1, Ski Club 1

Player of the match: A tough decision, as so many people deserve a mention, but Ollie really stood out as a constant threat, taking the ball past just about everyone on the other team several times.

Another good game, everyone played well. As we play together more, the standard just gets better and better. Well done everyone!

Ski Club Hockey vs. Any Given Sunday

With Any Given Sunday the runaway leaders in the league, unbeaten in every game, it was always going to be a tough match. As it got closer and closer to the game , our players were dropping like flies; due to a dislocated knee, torn hand muscles, tonsillitis/glandular fever, insomnia, too many pies and being passed out in a gutter in Durham...

In the end, there were only 8 hardcore players left that turned up to play (including Ellie who defected from the other team, and played really well in defense, singlehandedly stopping three attackers all by herself on numerous occasions). I was in goal again, with what remained of the university hockey keeper kit (no chest protector, broken helmet, badly fitting shorts padding etc.)

Despite being outnumbered at every turn, we were not making it easy for the other team. Any Given Sunday were showing just why they are top of the league though, and the goals soon followed. 3-0 down at half time, and Angus picked up a hamstring injury that meant he could barely walk, let alone run around to cover for our missing players. Nevertheless, he played on and in the second half, a well struck through ball from Sam found him in the D, turned and put it past the opposing keeper for a well deserved goal. In the end though, there was only one way the game was going to end.

Final Score: Ski Club 1, Any Given Sunday 8

Player of the match: Once again, Ollie was worth several players all by himself, dominating in midfield.

Credit to everyone who played - despite being outnumbered and outgunned nobody gave up and fought for everything the whole match, the final result not really doing justice to their efforts.

NUSSC v Das Ecosoc. We won, i got called a bitch
NUSSC v Rugby Girls. We won, I called someone else a bitch and bled.
NUSSC v all teams we've played on tuesdays, we won, I got called a bitch. Bit nervous last week as Heather won the toss for the first time ever and we thought our winning streak would be broken but despite a few people going off side, we won.
On tuesdays we now stand at the top o the league with a goal difference of 95, Saturdays, not as great but we're fighting back! Now 3rd I think and we're gonna pull it back to win! Especially if we can beat the woman mountains that are the rugby team....they actually tackle!
So, in short, the netballers are doing well and I'm officially known as the biggest cow in the world, a reputation that has been with me since the first year of NUSSC netball but other teams actually fear us!

Third 11-a-side match today against the high-flying Hurricanes from Division II - although they were without their top scorer and Ronaldo-esque right winger. NUSSC were similarly hampered by the no-show of Dan Bedford and Ben Joseph, not to mention the late withdrawals of David Blake and Matt Ogg. A good first half performance saw NUSSC FC go in ahead at the break, despite falling behind to a superb Hurricanes free-kick. A side-footed finish from recent recruit Alex Marques preceeded a frankly astonishing goal from captain Stu Dow. He struck a low, powerful, swerving, curling, dipping shot....from all of 3yards into an empty net after The Hurricanes dicked about in their own "No Fucking About Zone" (NFAZ).

The second half saw the wind against NUSSC FC and The Hurricanes managed to force a succession of corners, testing the resolute NUSSC FC defence. Unfortunately, a couple of injuries forced some changes that weren't ideal and left a couple of mis-matches as the opposition piled forward in search of the equaliser. It inevitably fell, as a mis-hit cross floated into the top corner. This was followed quickly by a third goal, another mis-hit, this time a cross-into-a-shot, which was cooly converted by the onrushing right-winger.

As NUSSC FC poured forward in search of a leveller, coming closest through a Charlie Gould header (perhaps he could have let it drop for a shot), the Hurricanes took advantage and scored a decisive fourth on the break, not long before the ref blew for full-time.

Final score NUSSC FC 2 - 4 The Hurricanes
MOM: Stu Hubbard

Ski Club Hockey vs. Chemical Engineers

Just like every other week, there was the usual scramble to get enough players with key players away/injured/MIA. However, with debuts from Mike, Hermione and Cat, and first-choice keeper Pete available to play, the team lineup was looking good.

The Chemical Engineers were second in the league going into the game, unbeaten in the league since October, and showed their prowess early on in midfield. Our defence were not letting them through, tackling well and frustrating their attack at every turn. Despite the pressure, when a chance to attack opened up we were looking good, and midway through the half a neat throughball found me one on one with the keeper, a quick flick in off the post and we were 1-0 up. The opposition tried to claw it back, and came close, but each time Pete was there to keep us in the game.

After the break, both teams were searching for the breakthrough to take the match (and potentially a qualifying spot for the play-offs). A few minutes in, and a lifted ball from the opposition hit Cat in the head and things were not looking so good. The game was restarted, and five minutes from the end a lightning interception and break from midfield set Kit up for a well executed goal to put us well ahead. A few minutes later Dai nearly added a third, but was denied by a defenders foot. Taking the free hit quickly, he set up me to flick it in before the defence knew what had hit them; and the result was beyond doubt.

Final Score: Ski Club 3, Chemical Engineers 0

Player of the match: Pete, in his first match appearance, the heart of a rock solid defence.

A well fought victory, the defence never cracking under the pressure and setting up the attack to go on the rampage and take the win. Come on NUSSC!!!

NUSSC vs Canny Catch, 13-1, NUSSC vs Medball (a previously undefeated team) 13-11, both NUSSC win! Woohoo! We are a little injury/hangover plagued at the moment but still kicking ass!!!!

Ski Club Hockey vs. Larrikins Hockey

The last league game of the season, and the race for the qualifying places was getting hotter. This week saw the welcome return of Jill and Sam. This term the team is really coming together, and having overtaken this week's opponents in the league after the last match, it was all to play for.

In a fast and attacking game the opponents were showing their obvious class, but we were more than a match for them and midway through the first half we stepped up for a short corner (coincidentally the last thing we had been working on in training!). A neat dummy play by Matt Ogg left Angus to fire the ball home to bring him back to joint top of the golden stick competition.

As the second half wore on the heat from the unseasonable warm February sun was starting to get to the players, but everyone continued to give 100%, challenging for every tackle, running for every loose ball. Our rolling subs helped to keep everyone playing to their full, and as the second half wore on it became more and more obvious there was only one way this was going to go. With every minute that passed we got more and more attacks built up, me hitting the post, then a mid-air shot into the side netting, and then (flat out on the floor after a collision with the keeper) managed to flick it up to the crossbar. In the end, it was Ollie that stormed through the middle of the defense and easily put it past the keeper to get our second. Despite their best efforts, Larrkins simply couldn't better our defense, and keeper Pete (with another excellent game) finished with another clean sheet to his name.

Final Score: Ski Club 2, Larrikins Hockey 0

Player of the match: A very difficult choice, could easily go to anyone out of half of the team, but Mary had a superb debut, both orchestrating the attacks and being right back to defend our goal.

The team is really starting to play well together, with our signature style of airtight defence and explosive breaks on the attack. Without exception, everybody had a great game, and victory was well deserved.

Ski Club Hockey vs. Dribblers

Now in the knockout stages, it was always going to be tough. With the matches beforehand running late, ours was cut short and we only got to play about two quarters instead of two halves. With a few girls missing, we also had to scavenge players from other teams and even draft some of the ice hockey team as well...

In the first half, the opposition probably had the best of the play, with tight defending and several outstanding players. Ollie in particular was, as ever, making a mockery of opposing players anywhere nearby. Pete in our goal was again on top form, keeping everything out. We also stormed through on the attack as well, a few shots came close, despite a spot of ice hockey defending (unusually from the opposition, instead of Dai).

In the second half, despite the lack of our regular sweeper, Ed and Harry were doing stirling work at the back, making crucial tackles on a regular basis. Eventually however, after about five consecutive short corners, a deflected shot from the opposition found it's way into our goal. Still, we didn't give up Matt Ogg buried a shot into the goal, only to be disallowed. As the final whistle approached we were piling everone forward, in the final play of the game all 10 outfield players stepped up to attack their goal in a short corner. An excellent shot from Mary was blocked by a defender; another was given for lifting the ball in the process but another good shot beat everyone but was just wide of the post. Given a full length game, anything could have happened as the momentum was very much with us at the finish, but it wasn't to be.

Final Score: Ski Club 0, Dribblers 1

Player of the match: This week, it was Kit who really stood out in the centre, breaking down their attacks at one end and challenging for goals at the other.

Everyone played well, never giving up and by the end we were perhaps getting the better of the opposition. Still, a great season for a team that hasn't played before, next year is looking good!